Confession: Why I'm Not Posting Outfit Posts

This post is pretty personal and I hope someone actually takes time to read it because it's important to realize that not all bloggers are super confident at the moment....and I'm kind of bearing my soul to a ton of strangers and a few of my friends that actually read my blog.

 While I know some bloggers have mentioned a lack of self confidence in their lives and still post outfit posts, I'm finding it hard to do that myself. However, before I go on, I will say that I will hopefully post an outfit post by the end of summer because I'm finally starting to feel more confident.

I think it really started with living in my sorority house. Don't get me wrong, I loved my experiences in the house with my sisters, but not being able to share clothes with everyone else really started to take a toll on my self esteem. Seeing all of my sisters walking into each other's rooms and asking if they could wear a piece of clothing for an event was kind of heartbreaking because: A, all of their clothing was too small for me, and B, all of my clothing was too big for them. I've always had issues with my clothing sizes and my body and it really didn't bother me until I lived in a house with 90 other women. And I kept how I felt to myself. I'm not sure if anyone really ever knew how I felt because I always kept my emotions to myself (something I've always done). It even got to the point, that I would say I didn't want to go out because I had to study, when I really just didn't want to go out because I didn't feel very confident in my body at the moment. 

 It's no lie, I have big hips. I may complain about them a lot, (brief shoutout to my best friend Eric to listening to me complain about things 24/7, you're my rock), but they're part of me. Both sides of my family have big hips, so I'm bound to have big hips. I just have to find ways to deal with them. 

Now that I've been focused on my overall health (mental + physical + nutrition) for almost a year, I can confidently say that I'm becoming a better me. 

Becoming more of an active member in CHAARG has really helped me, especially joining in on the fit plans. I'm currently on my fourth fit plan that just started yesterday and I can't wait to see where the next six weeks take me. Also, I can't say how thankful I am for my IU CHAARG family. There is nothing better than getting together with a group of girls for a fun workout or for a quick frozen yogurt. I thought that I would share with you two of my goals for this summer's fit plan: Be Present and Be Aware. These two goals are more focused on focusing on myself, than focusing on the results on the scale or in the mirror. Also note: I'm refusing to get on the scale until the end of the summer. 

I've also taken to journaling. Whether it's about a quote a read, a book I'm currently reading, a devotional, or just current thoughts about what's going on in my life. I definitely recommend it, it has helped me mentally grow throughout the past year. 

I've taken reading back up. Before college, I was a huge bookworm. I think I always had a book with me. When I got to college, I didn't have time to read for fun and it started to take a toll on me. So, this summer I decided to get back into reading. I've officially read 15 books so far this summer, ten of those were read on my trip to Mexico. Now that I've gotten back into reading, I've noticed that I spend less time on social media and on my computer. 

I decided not to get a YMCA membership this summer. I kind of found it pointless when I could workout outside or go to fitness classes at my favorite, smaller gym in town. I would much rather walk or run outside with my family and dog instead of on a treadmill inside at a gym. I've made it my goal to walk 2.5-3 miles five days a week as well as adding in fitness classes and weight workouts. I'm so happy with my decision to workout outdoors and in my home instead of at the gym where most of the people I really don't like from my high school workout (sorry this post is full honesty). 

My summer is completely devoted to myself. To studying for the GRE, to reading as many books as I can, and to finding things to do without my friends since they all have internships away from home (thanks for leaving me guys). 

I want to thank my parents, my CHAARG friends, and my friends Ashley and Eric for always being there when things get rough. 

If you've actually read this post, thank you. I'm mostly writing this for myself as part of my fit plan journaling because it's easier to type this all out than to write it out by hand. I really don't expect anyone to get anything from this, but if you do, please share. I'm going to share some of my favorite pictures from a previous blog posts, just because it makes me smile and this post was difficult for me to write.

I fully believe that in order to be happy with yourself, you need to love yourself first. 

Thank you so much for reading.